I've been chipping away at really big dreams for years now. Sometimes I'm methodical and relentless. Sometimes I feel myself pulling back into a comfort zone. Sometimes I binge voraciously on every book / blog / ecourse I can get my hands on. Sometimes I convince myself it's way easier to stay salaried with health insurance. What sort of crazy person is told they have an autoimmune disease and intentionally cuts their safety net? Crazy people who know they're right, that's who. Crazy people who have figured out what their life is all about and what makes them feel the way they want to feel. Crazy, terrified people like me.
I write about The Desire Map and Core Desired Feelings a lot, but that's because it's changed me on a cellular level. It's created new synapses and literally changed the way I experience the world. Core Desired Feelings are responsible for me hearing my sixth doctor say pitifully "It's Hashimoto's, dear..." and knowing instantly that it's more important than ever to live my best life. Core Desired Feelings are responsible for me knowing without an ounce of doubt that I'm leaving my 15-year career in higher ed to travel, autoimmune disease and chronic fatigue and adrenal failure in tow. Had I not journeyed to my CDFs before the diagnosis? I don't know. I don't want to know. I do know that even with all of that visceral certainty, as I get closer and closer to my dreams, I'm kinda freaking out.
"Fear is a natural reaction of
moving closer to the truth."
Okay, freaking out is the wrong phrase, but I'm definitely scared. I find myself hesitating. I'm on the precipice of Everything. I'm one mouse click away from manifesting something that took two years to arrive. I'm thisclose and I can feel myself putting off launching my Desire Map Workshop registration site. The parts of me that want to stay small and comfortable are singing in chorus: "You can't fill 10 slots. You can't find 10 women who are willing to invest $300 in their own Desire Map journey. You have a job with a salary, you're the bloody boss at that job, just shut up and roll with it." Brene Brown talks about foreboding joy. Here I was arrogantly reading Daring Greatly in July thinking, "What sort of moron doesn't welcome joy into their life? I'm more than ready...hurry up!" Um...surprise.
So here's the deal, Universe: I will continue to follow my Core Desired Feelings down paths that serve myself and others to the highest degree. You will call forth 10 women who are ready for this journey. Ten women who are ready to radically change their life. Ten women who want to discover their Core Desired Feelings; and more than that, 10 women who are ready to design a life they love around those feelings. Fear is just excitement without the breath. I will keep breathing. I will hit PUBLISH on the registration site. I will cheer as each woman, one by one, claims her spot, her voice, her creative power. This is it. The Desire Map revolutionizes everything we were ever taught about goal setting. I promise you, 2015 won't know what hit it. Here we go...