In December 2013, after consciously avoiding it for an entire year, I read The Desire Map and declared my Core Desired Feelings. Pen to paper. Made it real. Freshly minted, they felt scary and exciting. I wasn't sure what my relationship with them would look like. They tweaked and morphed and grew up quite a bit over the past year. As of now, I'm nearly settled into my absolute core. I feel that one of the words will eventually go away when I don't need her anymore, and one will evolve into the truth I'm just not ready for right now. More on that later.
The practice of living your Core Desired Feelings is definitely one of evolution. It's not that your core is changing...it's that you are working your way toward it. It's a process of being fierce and flexible. Declare. Live. Feel it out. Tweak. Declare. Live some more. Feel it out again. Tweak. On and on. It's been a transformational year for me. My Core Desired Feelings are responsible for most of it.
In looking through my 2014 Desire Map day planner, my first CDFs were: OPEN, ABUNDANT, CREATIVE, HEALTHY, FREE/SECURE, IN COMMUNION. It feels like I'm reading the CDFs of a total stranger, to be honest. I mean, FREE/SECURE? Pull it together, woman. The intent is right, the words and the evocation are not. I've come to believe that you know what you know when you know it, and then you do better. Within two weeks, OPEN became OPEN TO MAGIC. I dropped the SECURE because I knew it was an excuse to play small. IN COMMUNION felt too get-thee-to-a-nunnery, so it morphed into SPIRITUALLY CENTERED. February brought more unrest in the divinity department. SPIRITUALLY CENTERED turned into SPIRITUALLY ALIGNED and two weeks later it landed on SOURCE ALIGNMENT...but only for one week before it became SOURCE FLOW.
In March I added "I AM..." to the beginning of my list, thanks to Wayne Dyer and his teaching on The Great I Am. It resonated. It felt stronger. It was a declaration that made me feel the way I wanted to feel. That set of CDFs lasted until early August when I decided it was time to grow even bolder. I added "I AM..." to each individual word. I AM OPEN. I AM MAGICAL. I AN ABUNDANT. I AM A CREATOR. I AM FREE. I AM HEALTHY. I AM IN A STATE OF PURE SOURCE FLOW. Over time I realized that the term CREATIVE was holding me back. It manifested as creative projects and exclusively artistic projects at that. I had evolved beyond that, though that energy was very important to me for a long time. I needed to be literal with the fact that I was painting right now...which led to an increase in my vibration and the realization that I AM A CREATOR. I'm creating a painting, but I'm also creating my reality, my entire life. I am co-creating all of it with The Universe. By October it was I AM PURE SOURCE FLOW. I wasn't just in that state, I was the actual source and the flow itself. It's not arrogance, friends, it's alignment.
December 2014. The one-year anniversary of my Core Desired Feelings called for me to honor them with the revamp I'd been toying with for months. It was time. It was time to be bold and fully acknowledge the raw words and the way I actually wanted to feel. I felt vulnerable. I felt exactly how I had in December 2013. These refined CDFs feel scary and exciting. I'm not sure what my relationship with them will look like. I have some suspicions, however.
I AM MAGICAL. My creative powers are magical. They are an indescribable combination of my best efforts and The Universe's support. We are co-designing the world as I know it.
I AM FREE. My baseline for happiness. Sovereignty. Choice. Expansion. The moment I quit my job to travel longterm is the moment this word evolves into what she really needs to be: WILD.
I AM SUPPLE. Feminine. Flexible. Open. Sensual. Calm. Centered. yummy. Supple says, "Yes."
I AM LUMINOUS. Aligned with Source. Aligned within myself. Full of light and exuding light and full of light and exuding light and full of light and exuding light in a gorgeous flow.
I AM HEALTHY. There will come a time when I no longer need this word because I will have healed myself and put my Hashimoto's into remission. I will have balanced my thyroid levels and restored my adrenals. I look forward to the day when I can thank her and send HEALTHY on her way.
I'm here to tell you that you are worthy of your own desires. You deserve to design a life you love and to live that life every day without shame, guilt, or apology. Core Desired Feelings will change your life as you know it. 2015 is your year. It's time to step into your full authenticity and power. Join me January 16-17th in Salt Lake City. Click here for full registration details.
Happy holidays to those who celebrate.
Love + desire,