My High School had a Fashion Team

Misery loves company so indulge me a moment. Think back to your own high school days and imagine a typical pep rally.

Once you have the cliques gerrymandered into their proper pecking order and can hear yourself think over the numbing caucophony of inane flirtations, you see cheerleaders spring onto the floor. Leaping around they flail their arms and shout the alphabet at you. Maybe if you just gave them a "B" they would go away? This hyperactive pace is fairly standard throughout the event and you know how it goes. Join me now, at my alma mater.

The cheerleaders bounce and flip their way off the floor as the lights dim. A white hot spot light illuminates a red carpet waiting anxiously center stage. [Insert ghastly pop song hit of the week]. A que of stick insects disguised as your classmates in Marc Jacobs files down the carpet. [Sashay swish swish go the hip bones]. Thinking this is some sort of SNL-style skit, you award their straight faces with hysterically loud laughter. It's a difficult gig, sketch comedy, throw them a bone. As you're elbowed in the rib by Annoyed Boyfriend of Stick Insect #4 you realize this is totally. for. real.

So real, in fact, that the Fashion Team enrolled in "Honors" marketing classes to learn how to...well, I don't really know what they learned. I do know that they took a full two week field trip each spring to New York's fashion week. Oh how lonely the halls were without their click clacking stiletto boots and bubble gum popping.

It's been nearly a decade since I delivered my Valedictorian speech at commencement, rudely forgetting to thank the Fashion Team for their worthy contributions to the institution, and yet this image is seared into my brain. Sort of like a cattle branding prod shoved up my nose, actually.

Choose the Left. The New CTR.

A blog? What was I thinking?